We had the funniest conversations today at dinner…Erin will probably appreciate this since she’s met Jimmy, Dimitri, and Taha before…
I was standing in front of the pizza area, examining the apple cream cheese crepes, and I accidentally crashed into this girl. While saying sorry I jumped back too far and crashed into Jimmy, who said, “Wow you’re terrible at human parallel parking!”
Dimitri decided that “Taha” is the new SI unit for coolness. This is from the Taha fanpage:
“Recent findings at a UCLA research lab have given rise to a new SI unit, the Taha, which measures coolness. Taha Husain is precisely 1.0 Tahas, and no being is capable of reaching a higher Taha level. The average human is somewhere between .5 and 1.3 milliTahas.”
I think you guys might find Taha’s fanpage entertaining… :)
“Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.”—~Frederick W. Robertson
So my trip to UCSD was quite enjoyable. I played a lot of mahjong…and if you don’t know what that is wiki it and learn how to play the Japanese version then play with Michelle and I because the two of us are currently hooked on that slightly-less-than-awesomely-amazing game. But onto the reason why I’m posting this…
During graduation, none of us really cried and if we did I think it’s safe to say it was out of happiness. I, myself, was anxious, excited, and relieved. We were finally done with high school, we were grown up and going our separate ways physically, but I knew that we would still have each other. It didn’t really hit me how hard it might be to not be able to see Arya scolding Trisha every day, or to see Michelle notice Gabby’s second piercing for the first time in a year, or to see Sonya carelessly hand over a work of art and let Belinda use it as a last-minute Yearbook buddy gift, or to see Pankti flailing her limbs as she recounted her story of the day. I didn’t know how amazing our group really is and how extraordinary and miraculous it was that I found all of you guys.
And then college came. And I searched and searched trying to find another one of you guys, not even a group, just one of you, but I was a fool to think I could find any kind of replacement, because while I’ve met some fun and interesting people, I haven’t found anyone I think I would want to share my best and worst moments with. I struggled in college— I’m still struggling to really feel like I’m accepted and I’m struggling to just be comfortable. I didn’t want to think about it though. I didn’t want to admit that I really was lonely because I thought I was being stupid for feeling like that. I was in a new place and I just had to get over it and get used to it. I think that I was homesick. But the funny thing is, I never left home, right?
But I did leave home, in a way at least. Because when we went our separate ways, it was like rooms of my home just picked up and left with hardly a goodbye or farewell. What’s a home without a kitchen or a guest room? I remember that Monday, all the UC kids started school, I was walking up the stairs in Long Beach and it hit me like a crashing wave that no one was home anymore. It would take so much more to see Pankti than make a left on Artesia and a right on Norwalk; Arya and Trisha weren’t in the same neighborhood. And there it was- I had been left behind. And I began to cry. I held back my tears as much as a could, but it really hurt. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But I couldn’t believe that once again I had been left behind. All of you left and were living in an exciting new place with exciting new people and I wanted all of you back, as selfish as that thought was, I wanted all of you back here with me. And if not I wanted to be with all of you.
I haven’t told many people this because I didn’t want you to worry. And even if I missed you so much that my heart would ache I thought that I had to stay strong and be rational. It’s not like we would never see each other again. I haven’t gone through some of the struggles that you guys have, but I’ve experienced my own and when I went to UCSD and stayed with Michelle I felt like I could really breathe. Like fuel had been added to the fire once again and I was alive and so, so happy. Michelle and I were talking and we realized how much we needed each other. And to be honest separating was one of the best things that happened to our group because my eyes are finally open to see the seven amazing, beautiful, pure, unique, intelligent, genuine, and every other kind of adjective that describes someone extraordinary that I am beyond proud to call my best friends. It never occurred to me that hardly anyone has experienced the kind of friendship that we have. It never occurred to me that our friendship is something that has been envied. As self-centered as that may sound it also makes me happy because being a part of something special makes you special, right? Or is it being special lets you be part of something special?
Wow this post is long. And I’m not done.
I wanted to let you know, that you guys are home. When I’m with one of you I am free to be myself. When I am with you I feel like I can do anything and I’m fearless of any kind of judgment that would normally make me shrink back in my shell. Home is not so much a place, but a time. And I know that as long as you guys are around I will always, always have a home to go to. No matter where in the world we might end up, just know that my heart is with each and every one of you. And know that I worry about you. And know that I love you, and that if you ever need anything I will do everything in my power to get it to you. If any one of us goes through a problem we need to let each other know, alright? Because none of us will ever be alone. A hug from you guys says “Welcome home” and even if it’s a home that I have to be away from once in a while, it is a home that I will always run back to. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done. Thank you to your parents for helping you become such amazing people. Thank you to God for letting me find you. I love you guys. I miss you guys. And I’ll being seeing you soon.